420 ftw
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
