Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize