I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
