well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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