You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
