So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
