well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
