Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love black thongs
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
