i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
