Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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