C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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