I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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