So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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