the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
