she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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