he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
