the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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