I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
