somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
