Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
