in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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