Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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