Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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