Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
