Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
