I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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