I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
