Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
