Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
