hotel room ftw
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
