so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
