I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
