just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
