well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
