remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
