Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
