Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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