You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
