what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
