had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
