The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
