That's intense
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
