i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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