White coat. Heels.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
