I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
