i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
