YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
