so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
