sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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