It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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