Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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