Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
