If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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