I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
