I must be too annoying 4 u.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
