I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
