people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
