READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
