you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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