Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
