We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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