Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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