i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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