I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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