I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
