if i can run in heels then i can drive
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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