Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
