If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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