These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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