Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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