Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
