yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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