basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
