My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
