Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
