Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
