About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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