i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
