what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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