I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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