Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
