Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
