Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
