I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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