I wish I could teleport
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
