Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
