I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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