It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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