so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
